On laughter and loss: children’s reports of parenting behaviors that enable security in shared-time living arrangements

Among the research, practice and socio-legal commentary on the substantial sharing of parenting
time after separation, children’s voices about their experiences remain overwhelmingly silent. This
article draws on findings of a descriptive phenomenological study which investigated Australian
school-aged (8- to 12-year-old) children’s descriptions of two binary phenomena: security
and contentment in shared time arrangements, and the absence of security and contentment
in shared time parenting. Specifically, this article focuses on exploring parental behaviours and
interactions recognised by children as sources of security in shared time lifestyles, through
happy and needy times. Central to this is the juxtaposition of the child’s experience of security
and shared enjoyment with the present parent, against the absence of security emanating from
unresolved longing for the ‘absent’ parent. The article provides an empirically derived formulation
of children’s advice to parents about shared time parenting, with relevance for family law related
parent education forums.